You already know how it all started that I became a huge motorport fan. I was talking about it in one of my previous posts. Now it’s time to reveal something more about myself and about how motorsport has influenced me and my life.
As I have already mentioned, it was my family thanks to whom I have started to follow MotoGP and also Formula 1 and then I added some more series to watch.
Recently I’ve decided to fully concentrate on motorbike racing and that’s why I’ve created this blog.
But look back at the time when I was going to the school.
When I was going to the kindergarten I was quite energetic girl. Well, I don’t remember it, just my parents and gradmom tell me this. They say that when I was about 4 or 5 years old I was like the leader in the kindergarten, all other children wanted to play with me and somehow be around me.
It’s really shame that I don’t remember these times properly. Maybe it could be something like motivation for me now. Because at this stage of my life I don’t feel like leader anymore. Actually I’ve never felt like leader or like someone who is popular among other people.
Well, I don’t know how it all changed. I don’t know what was the moment which suddenly turned everything over. Maybe when I was starting to grow up? When I came to the teenage years? I really don’t know.
What I remember is, that I was always very shy and diffident child. I was always too shy to say anything, I was always worrying to say anything at school, to say anything to my classmates. I wasn’t that talkative girl, I was the one sitting in the corner and paying attention in the class. I was also quite good at studying and had the best marks.
I wasn’t that child playing somewhere in the playground. I had different interests. And I knew it. I was always quite clever and perceptive girl so I saw that I was somehow different. I had different hobbies than other people at my class, I was good at learning new things and studying so later they started to call me swot. But I was not studying at home too hard. Actually sometimes I didn’t study at all. I just had quite a good memory so I remembered lots of things from the class when I payed attention. But my classmates didn’t believe, of course.
It really didn’t take too long time until my classmates realized that my school results were better then theirs so they had to put me down somehow. They also saw how shy, diffident and fearful I was so they started to bully me. Not everybody but there were some of them who seemed to hate me. And I was so desperate because I didn’t know why. Now I fully understand it probably. I think it was because of the reasons I have written above.
It was pretty hard time of my life. Mentally I was totally down. I never told anyone about it.
That’s the reason why I am still somehow shy (although not as much as I used to be when I was a teenager), that’s the reason why I am still worrying about something, why I’m nervous to talk to strangers, why I don’t believe in myself, why I still have doubts about myself and about my life. I try to work on it all and I feel it’s getting better. I know it happened more than 10 years ago but it’s somehow still deep inside my soul and time to time it came to me like a shadow. But I really try my best to fight with these my inner enemies.
From the How it all started post you already know that I started to fully watch motorsport in my early teenage years, when I was about 11 (maybe I saw some races even before). And that was exactly the bad time of my life.
The bullying didn’t last for just a few days or months, in a different forms it was there for some years. And my sensitive and naive attitude really didn’t help this situation.
I started to hate school. Not because of learning, studying or writing tests. It was because of the people there. I always felt like I was in the wrong time in the wrong place. I never found anything in common with my classmates. That’s why I’ve never found a true friend. In my primary school, and then also in my secondary school. Somehow I had different ideas and opinions and when I saw that it’s different I was afraid to say it or do it so rather stayed quiet.
I was always looking forward to the weekends because it meant to be far away from the people who were bad to me. But it was also because some motorsport events were happening (of course, not in winter, but in winter time I found ski jumping, biathlon or some other winter sports which I started to follow regularly). Since being teenager, motorbikes and also formulas and cars were always on my mind. Watching races (later also the free practices and qualifications) helped me to escape from my real life on my mind. It helped me to improve my bad mood to better one.
Watching races made me happy, it made me smile every time. Also when I was ill it always cheered me up.
It helped me to overcome the hard times of my life. With watching it I was growing up and it created my personality.
How time was going it started to be more and more clear that this was what I loved the most. Suddenly I knew that it wasn’t only a hobby. It started to be something more. It started to be my life.
It all started very slowly. Suddenly watching Sunday’s races wasn’t enough for me. I also started to follow the qualifications and free practises. When we bought a computer at home and also got the internet things appeared to be easier. Suddenly I could follow everything closely. I discovered the official sites of the racing series, of the teams, of the riders. I also found some motorsport related websites. I was getting more and more into it.
And then the idea came to my mind. Watching it on TV wasn’t enough. I wanted to visit the races by myself. But that was a problem. I was just a teenager, I was going to the school and didn’t have any own income. And my parents told me that we were poor family and they wouldn’t give me any money. They were also quite interested in racing but they told me that we couldn’t go because we couldn’t afford it.
We had it both World Superbikes and MotoGP so close. Both were happening in Brno which was only about an hour and half by train from where I lived. But still, the only things I heard from my parents were “MotoGP is expensive for us, we don’t have money.”
I come from poor family. The only thing I have is my dream. And so that was in that time.
But in 2010 we managed to go to the World Superbikes in Brno. Then we went also in 2012. Because of our financial situation we couldn’t go in 2011 and in that summer I was crying so much because of it.
Later I also started to visit MotoGP in Brno. But it all about me visiting races is another story and I will write a different post about it.
My every single motorsport (motorbikes’ especially) visit made me happy. Everytime I went to the paddock I had big smile on my face and my heart was beating so fast! Everytime I went to the grandstand I just felt happiness, nothing else. Yes, it’s true that so far I know just Brno circuit but never mind. I hope I will visit some more circuits soon and I am sure I will have exactly same feelings.
Everytime I am at motorsport event I feel happy, I don’t care about heavy rain (like in MotoGP 2016 or WSBK 2012) nor terribly hot (like in WSBK 2010). I am just happy I can be there. I feel the atmosphere there and I feel I belong somewhere finally.
Everytime I go to see any motorsport event I feel like I finally belong somewhere. I feel like I have something in common with all the other people there. And I feel happy about that. After all the years when I didn’t have good relationships with my classmates, when I had almost nothing in common with them and they were bad to me I finally found what I loved.
That’s why I’ve said that motorsport is my lifesaver. Because it is big true. Everytime I’ve had problems in my life, it helps me. As a pupil it helped me to escape from the bullying and school stuff, it helped me to overcome this hard times of my life.
It also helps me to be a better person. Yes, really. It also helps me to create my personality. It motivates me.
Thanks to following motorsport I started to write my blogs. But this also will be a topic for another post.
The bullying was bad. You, who came through something similar, know what I am talking about. I am also thinking about writing a special post about bullying because we should talk about it. I’ve never told to anyone about that (my parents don’t know about it until now). But now I am big girl and I feel like people should talk about it. Because the line between what’s fun and what’s already bullying is so tiny. And maybe even my classmates didn’t know how big impact all the laughing and making fun had to me and how much it hurt me mentally.
But now, many years later I feel like it probably had to happen. There was a reason for it I believe. Maybe it had to teach me something. Of course, it had. Without it, it wouldn’t be me now. Yes, maybe it may sound strange but it’s true. I am working on myself so hard to be a better person. I want to change myself, I want to change my life attitude, my self-confidence and everything. But that’s already for a different blog post.